howz lyf ?????

it was very funny how i wrote this poem...... a friend of mine casually asked me 'howz lyf???' n i was so freaked out with my starting days at IITB, dat i just set out replying, just to realise dat i had been writing a beautiful poem.... dat really made a hell-lot-of-meaning to me.... also,for a fact, it ws d fastest poem i wrote (though screwed d rhyme scheme, badly in d venture....) i cudnt think of any apt title for it, so i just named it...

Howz lyf ???

ज़िन्दगी ऐसे बीत रही है जैसे हाथ में रेत,
फिसलती जा रही है......
जो अभी है उसकी ख़ुशी से ज्यादा,
किसी के ना होने का गम सताता है........
इस पल को कितना भी रोकना चाहू,
हाथ की मुट्ठी बंद कर लू.......
पर ये रेत है......ये न रुक पायेगी......

सोचता हु,बरसात हो खुशियों की..
ताकि मिटटी ये हाथो में जम जाये......
पर फिर भूल जाता हु...
ये रेत है........ये तो उस बरसात में बह जायेगी....
फिर ख्याल आया फिजा चले.......
खुशबु जिसकी हमारी ख़ुशी बन जाये.....
फिजा तो चल रही है.......
फिर भी बेरुखी देखो इन फिजाओ की,
साँसे चल कर भी जीना दुश्वार कर रही है............

सही यही होता.......
अगर हम इस रेत को सहेज कर रखते.....
ताकि अगर फिर कभी वक़्त यही समां दोहराता,
हम उन्ही हसी लम्हों को फिर महसूस करते,
फिर उस रेत को हाथ में ले.....
फिर उन्हें फिसलने देते.........
शायद तब हमे इन्हें बीतने देते हुए ज्यादा ख़ुशी होती.......

Human at heart....

(i guess, this post wouldn't require a special note, to describe the context of this poem....... everyone has one or the other way has faced what i meant to point out this poem, and also may have stood on both sides of the coin.... i guess, its just human nature to protect the false ego one creates for itself.... hope it helps in bettering your understanding of the people you interact....)

Human at Heart

I felt what i did was right,
what i preached was the truth.
So, reluctance in action was slight,
and the cart of my life went smooth.

In a feat of anger or selfish desire,
i did hurt someone, much deeply....
Though later i realized i had been a liar,
still, i replied back very cheaply.

Now i know, mine was the mistake.
Although revolted by my soul,my guilt
didn't allow me, the right decision to take....
and in me, a common human heart was built.

OpTimiSm....

i wrote this poem way back in 2007, when life was so easy as compared to what we face now. but still, petty problems seemed so depressing that, even after overcoming a small debacle (lyk screwing up a weekend coaching test), it felt like 'yeah..... now thats d type of attitude i wanna develop.... सारी दुनिया भाड़ में... खुद मचाना बंद मत करो.....' अभी realise होता है कि कितना सही decision लिया था.... और आज इतने बड़े बड़े झटके देती है life फिर भी आदमी हँस कर आगे बढ़ लेता है.... बस एक doubt रहता है कि क्या ये मेरा optimism ही है या अपने failures को नज़रंदाज़ कर देना....

OpTimiSm

Life never went the way I wanted it to…

Uncertain of results,

I didn’t know where which paths lead to…

The fruit of hard work was just about to reap…

Just then, good luck of mine went to sleep…

Un-kept remained the promises, I had to keep…

In the end, I’d nothing to do.....

…but to sit and weep……

The road just ended when the goal was near…

Even my soul didn’t accompany me, due to fear…

Regular failures became a part of life….

Conditions were apt for committing suicide….

But…..

My attitude shamelessly said, "give it a try again….

What’s new?? Even if you fail,

What has been happening, will happen again….”

my take on 'being Selfish'....

dictionary meaning of selfish :- Caring supremely or unduly for one's self..... most of the times, its considered as a bad trait. but truth is every creature has it in him, however righteous it may be. there is a lot of confusion when u encounter a moment in ur life where d thing u want n d thing dats 'right' are nt d same.... moments where u just wanna close ur eyes n get along with d heart, but ur conscience overpowers u d instant, u r just gettin over d edge.... no one's gonna blame u for whatever decision u make... but at those moments, u just care to hold on to everyting, though it may b tearing u apart..... does dat too come under selfishness???

Selfishness

Selfishness has dwelt in my skin…

been there since ages, in my soul….

Now, its turning into all pain and grief…..

…when I decide not to be the same, anymore…

I didn’t demand a single penny that wasn’t mine…

and didn’t do a single thing, to turn a smile into a whine…

But when things began to crawl upon me,

I ended up savin’ my skin…..

….and consoled myself, “it was all just and fine….”

I always knew love was never meant to be forced….

If she doesn’t love me, there shouldn’t be any remorse…

But when the false ego of caring so much, struck me…

I ended up, venting my frustration….

….and still consoled myself, “that’s the way the world goes…”

Gloom has always been around the people I care…

Hurting my own schedule, for them, I tried to be there….

But when someone stabbed me behind my back….

I ended up, hurting myself but….

….still wanting them to stay by me, forever….

My story of moving on....

in this life, not every love story has an happy ending. there are infi 'tere naam's n 'devdas's as well. हमारा भी कभी बुरा कटा था... (मतलब कटते तो रहता ही है...) लेकिन एक बड़ा वाला कटा था... हमने भी सोचा था, कि साला, कभी उभर पाएंगे या नहीं.... बहुत बुरे दिन देखे (इतने भी बुरे न थे, लेकिन हमे बार बार कटने का experience थोड़े ही था... but still, first one is always special...) so junta, the following poem is the story of my moving-on. also the speciality of this poem is that, for a while, i'd really lost the sense of writing.... i'd planned this whole summer cacation beforehand to complete a whole lot of poems and stories... in reality, i couldnt get the inspiration to lift the pen n write a single line.... i guessed i curbed my instincts to feel (in the same way, to write...), to get away from senti-senti stuff, trying to move-on..... but when time passed and i could gather up enuf courage to face my feelings n pen them down, i was finally able to move-on and get my old self back.... so,

the story of my moving-on....

I loved someone once….

but I didn’t know the reason why…

I cared for someone a lot…

but to show it…may be I was a bit too shy…

I couldn’t make her understand love…

may be I didn’t give things, a nice enough try…..

Now when someone else solved the puzzle for her….

am I expected to sit and cry???

I took my time….

to overcome my past and let the tears dry..

Still human though, it ached…

but slowly I learnt how to walk by…

Moments were there when I cursed myself…

but my spirit wasn’t meant to die…

When past crawled back, I ignored it…

but not being myself proved to be a bad try…

I told my heart not to care….

when it was ok to let out and cry….

It actually felt good… for once…

to not care and not ask myself, ‘why’…

But I knew somewhere, I was scared….

Scared of facing her, when she would walk by….???

Also, the unrest inside kept growing….

wanting me to care for things which asked for a ‘try’…

Blaming love for making my life hell…

was one mistake on my part, I don’t deny…

For I now realise, it came for the best…

and it was best…. that it went by….

With no apologies, whatsoever…but just the assurance….

that it was better to leave….than to live a lie…

With no hand over the shoulder….but just a slap, hard….

hard enough, for me to realise where my priorities lie…..

a UnuSual post..... SuPermaN SaNkiii...

मैंने न जाने क्या क्या poems लिखी होगी... जाने किस किस को dedicate करी होगी...... लेकिन आज किसीने मुझपर poem लिखी है... (उस कमीने ने नाम disclose करने से मना किया है, blog पर...) लेकिन anyways, i'm flattered as well as amused to read such a funny poem on me..... bas bhaavnao ko samjho..... kavi ki kalpana dekho....

so, i present to you..... a poem from an anonymous poet (उन्हें embarrassment है ऐसे आदमी के बारे में poem लिखने की..)

SUPERMAN SANKI

है वो सबसे अलग..... सबसे जुदा....
जिसकी बातो पर लडकिया होती है फ़िदा....
उसका दुनिया बदलने का है इरादा....

लोग कहते है, वो है GOD बंदा...
पर मुझे लगता है... लोगो को अपनी मीठी मीठी बातो में फसाना है उसका धंधा..

आदत है उसको स्वप्न सुंदरी के सपने सजाने की....
आदत है उसको सबको मनाने की...
पर क्या करे ज़माने है इतना ख़राब.... लोगो को आदत है उसका दिल तोड़ने की....

सपने सजाता है, हवा में उड़ने के...
प्लान बनाता है घर जाने के...
वादा करता है मिलने आने के...

दिखने में है चूहा...
वज़न है उसका किलो सवा....
अगर जानना चाहते हो, कौन है वो monkey...
तो दिल थाम के, सुन लो... वो है हमारा sankiii......

(अब लिखने वाले ने कितनी बाते फेंकी है, और कितना सच, ये आप अपनी judgement के हिसाब से समझ लो...)

tired of trying to 'fake'....

not always things are what they seem.... who is facing what in their life, n what they show on their face, may be totally different.... m nt here for preaching a perfect way of life, coz i myself have made mistakes, m nt really proud of.... m nt someone very comfortable with d dual-faced living..... जो है, चेहरे पर दिख जाता है.... bt d fear of getting hurt again, whether its becoz of people not being able to understand or make fun of u (coz of d way u r), is tryin to change me...askin me to act out my life, seeming cool when m nt.... n to hell with d world, i dont want to change.... n whenevr a feeling of havin 'almost given up' crawls back, i l try once more.....

when u couldn't be there.....

Not saying a thing doesn’t always denote strength...

Nor is strength denoted by staying alone for a length....

Not being there doesn’t always mean u didn’t care....

It could very well mean just another moment, when u couldn’t be there....

May be I expect a lot...

I may spend my entire life… revolving around a dot....

It may not matter, what I think....

'coz life runs its own course..... it'll move on in a blink...

But not striving wouldn’t always mean I’ve lost....

Nor would my desperation mean achievement at any cost...

I waited for the moment... for me, u would spare...

But may be, it was just another moment, when u couldn’t be there....

May be I over-react a lot...

Ruining my life... just over an answer, I sought....

It may not matter, now I realise...

'coz life runs its own course... it'll help me rise....

But not shedding a tear doesn’t always make me heartless...

Nor is my heart made of what they call, a 'just-another-mess'....

U never cared to respond..... But may be u still care....

And ya, it could be just another moment when u couldn’t be there....

Not facing a fear doesn’t always denote a move-on....

Nor a move-on denotes sleeping when it’s time to dawn...

It’s just a try to dare the world out there....

Knowing fully, there would be moments when u wouldn’t be there....

The Best Moment.....

the best moment....

Sometimes, when my heart speaks through my tears…
and I cover it up with a smile,
I only wish my love to read through my eyes…
and care for me…even if for a while…..

The indifference in your eyes did hurt…
Or may be I just asked for more….
I may have become indifferent to your indifference
But some feelings still bubble down in the core….

I don’t know whether…..
what I’ve become is for the right or wrong…..
but it’s working….
It’s helping me smile and making me ‘seem’ strong…..

It’s not any sort of a plan….
that I walk away and you come searching for me….
I’m still standing there, where you said,
“I’ll just be back…keep waiting for me….”

I still love you and care for you the same…
but still, I’m waiting for the best moment….
when you would read the pain of my heart….
And for that…I wouldn’t have to lament.....

My life's not that bad......

another one of my poems.......

My life's not that bad......

Yesterday,i remembered all good and bad....
that came upon me once...in the past.....
It occurred to me... i'd grown so big...
and things have changed so fast....
I could see my mom ruffling my hair...
and my dad on the comp, playing solitaire....
my sis with a comb, in front of the mirror....

and i, pushing her aside....to set my own hair.

A smile crossed over my face
as i ventured into my happy days...
I recalled moments of tears, too.....
because i knew, i'm bad at letting go....
It gave me a shiver down the spine
as one tear began to slide down, so slow.....
There was love, there were friends.....
I'd got more than many fail to, in a lifetime.....
I realised my life was never that bad......
'coz i'd still got reasons to compose my rhyme......

Words not enough.... the poem....

following is the poem.... written by anurag and me.... the first ever product of Anurag's creation RhYME-WAR....

WORDS NOT ENOUGH....

Sometimes colours are not enough...

to complete d picture of u in my heart, which is still rough…

Scared of the past, i tried to scratch it out...

but it’s struck there pretty tough...

Sometimes words are not enough....

to tell u what I’m going through…

Wherever I go, I’m searching only you..

I walk... I talk... they all say I’m alive....

But without u before me, it’s hard to believe...

Hard to believe ‘me’ existing without u

Sometimes, time is not right enough....
to let someone in....and let someone go....
When u came in my heart, i'd just let someone go......
you came over when i was all lost...
and without a question, you promised to stay with me at any cost....

I realised, my hope had got an extra hand to row........

Sometimes, a lifetime is not enough

to break ties from the times of yore ....

and clean off the unspoken ‘sorry’s, scattered around the floor…

I dared to let myself, before you, unwind…

though still haunted by the past, in the back of my mind,

and once and for all, let go of the fear of losing you, anymore…

to begin with.....

for someone like me, who is obsessed with trying to be able to write down all that he feels, this blog is just another outlet..... these days, when life is just getting too tough to get along, ambitions are playing too hard to get, and inspiration for writing poems/stories is lost like a needle in a haystack, i feel its better to share my thoughts where i could possibly have my own space along with friends whose suggestions would help ease the journey...... well,there is lot to come.... dunno it wil interest anyone or nt.... bt still, do follow it...